Your kitchen rules: Top tips for couples with differing diets

Whether you’re a vegan dating a committed carnivore, or navigating conflicting food likes and dislikes, it’s not uncommon for partners to be at odds in the kitchen.

You might have different food intolerances or tastes, or have appetites that just don’t match.

Or maybe one partner likes a hearty breakfast, while the other prefers their big meal at night.

It’s not unusual for partners to have different preferences when it comes to food, but there’s no denying the simple joy of sharing a meal with your beloved.

So what do you do if your other half has a completely different way of eating to you?

1. Accept there’s no ‘best’ way of eating

Dietitian Marina Payne points out that we all respond to food differently.

“I’m a firm believer of your own body knows best,” she says.

“New and emerging evidence has found our unique genes and lifestyle/environmental factors like circadian rhythm, exercise and the gut microbiome influence how we respond to food.

“Eating is not something we ‘excel’ or ‘suck’ at, even when it comes to health.”

Accepting that your partner makes different eating choices requires not minimising others, explains relationship coach Louanne Ward.

“Looking down on your partner or turning your nose up because they don’t choose what you choose is self-righteous – it isn’t about the food, it’s about your need to control the environment so you feel better,” says Louanne.

2. Don’t expect your partner to mirror you

Our way of eating can demonstrate our values, which is why wanting to find a partner who shares these is understandable.

For instance, someone who is vegan for animal rights issues is likely to want their partner to share these beliefs.

But there is a fine line between having shared values and projecting your own beliefs on to someone else.

You might believe carbs are to be avoided at all costs, while your partner could live off bread and potatoes.

“The false illusion that compatibility is in similarities drives the desire to want someone like us,” says Louanne.

“For example, ‘if we were the same we wouldn’t disagree so much, there would be less conflict and the relationship would be more peaceful’. Yet differences and contrast are necessary for growth.”

Marina adds: “If you understand that you are both fundamentally two different people with the right to nourish yourselves however you choose – without judgment and allowing for body autonomy – you’re more likely to respect your significant other’s diet.”

3. Commit to coming together for meals

You mightn’t be eating the same food, but sitting down for a meal together provides an opportunity for connection.

“The ritual and importance aren’t in what is eaten, it is in the act of sharing the pleasure,” says Louanne.

“Sharing a meal doesn’t mean eating the exact same food in the exact same manner.

“Two people can have different diets and still enjoy cooking together and creating meals that combine both people’s needs.”

Written by Samantha Allemann.

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