LIFESTYLE

Mindful masturbation: Why solo sex is the latest in self-care

1 March, 2022 . 0

Set your solo sex routine to “slow” to explore and enjoy all the sensations, ground yourself in the present and wind down from the stresses of the day.

Back when I was a teenager, a well-meaning relative attempted to give me a sex talk with a difference.

“Masturbate as often as you can,” she advised.

“Not only will doing so help you avoid unwanted pregnancy, you’ll have a good time and learn what you like so that in time you can show partners.”

Mortifying? Absolutely, but you can’t deny she was well ahead of her time.

Today, of course, we’re all into buying into her way of thinking.

Not only did sales of sex toys during the 2020/2021 lockdown surge globally, a University of Melbourne study found solo sex increased, with 14.6 per cent reporting using sex toys more often and 26 per cent reporting masturbating more often.

And it seems it’s good for us, as a Queensland Health report outlined the health benefits of masturbation included improved mental wellbeing, reduced menstrual pain, better body image, as well as being a form of safe sex.

Hardly surprising then, that a report by adult pleasure brand Tenga found eight out of 10 Americans consider masturbation a form of self-care.

The increase in solo sexual activity is one thing, but what’s also changing is the way we view – and do – it.

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What is mindful masturbation?

Quick, perfunctory and performed with an end goal: everyday masturbation can often be as sexy as this particular sentence.

Mindful masturbation, however, is when we choose to take time pleasuring our genitals, as well as other parts of our body, explains sex therapist Dr Janet Hall.

“Living in today’s fast-paced society, with the constant bombardment of stress on our nervous system, we are stuck in fight or flight the majority of the time and that’s not a very sexy place to be,” Dr Hall says.

“We have to give ourselves permission to make the time to wind down, explore and enjoy, with the goal of not having a goal but enjoying all the sensations.”

All too often, we can get stuck in habitual masturbation that’s focused on genital touch or relies heavily on porn or a favourite toy.

Mindful masturbation opens up a new world of possibility, according to sexologist Meg Callander.

“Mindless masturbation restricts how much pleasure you can enjoy,” Meg says.

“It can be disembodied if our attention is focusing outwards on to a screen or into a fantasy, while mindful masturbation is about noticing what’s going on inside your body and having the flexibility to respond accordingly.”

It’s setting an intention to take time for yourself, creating a scene with music, candles and music and devoting as much time to your breath and grounding yourself in the present as you try different touchpoints, positions and sensations all across your body.

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The benefits of mindful masturbation

Could masturbation be the last frontier in self-care?

A wide body of research certainly backs the charge, with one study from Michigan State University examining several reports to find sexual activity not only stimulates the production of endorphins (a natural mood elevator) but triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone that can help to relieve stress.

Another report, from the University of Munster, found 60 per cent of participants reported a significant improvement in headache and migraine after sexual activity, while a study by Rutgers University found orgasm in women during masturbation caused the brain to light up in the brainstem, cortical and subcortical regions, helping our brains to stay sharp.

The benefits don’t end there.

Orgasm (when you eventually allow yourself to go there) releases chemicals such as prolactin, oxytocin and serotonin into the brain – all of which can help to relax you.

“An orgasm is great as stress management or prevention, and can be the best free and natural sleeping pill you can ever self-prescribe,” Dr Hall says.

“And since orgasm improves circulation (by causing increased blood flow to the skin, which makes blood vessels open up) and makes the skin glow, it can also be the greatest beauty treatment you can get for free.”

Give the practice enough time and we just might get to learn more about our own eroticism.

“Simply put”, Meg says, “it’s just another way to take time out for ourselves and come back into our bodies, becoming more aware of who we are, what we like and what our bodies respond to.

“The information is there, we just need to give ourselves the time to figure it out.”

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Mindful masturbation: getting started

Keen to give mindful masturbation a go?

Dr Hall recommends you practise slowing your masturbation down and instead of racing to orgasm, seeing how much stimulation you can take.

“You might surprise yourself at just how much pleasure you can have,” she says.

Meg adds it’s worth being honest with yourself about the masturbation patterns you’ve fallen into.

“If you realise you’re always lying on your back and using a vibrator, you could change your body position and take time to touch your body without judgement or expectation before reaching for your toys,” she says.

Change small things every time you masturbate and keep coming back to yourself every time you find yourself getting distracted by fantasy (no porn, please).

Like all good things, it gets better with time and when it comes to mindful masturbation, time is exactly the point.