10 questions to ask yourself about your relationship
If you’re unhappy in your relationship, or if you simply want to make a good thing even better, ask yourself these 10 simple questions.
Every so often it’s important to reflect and take a look at what you need to do to keep your relationship on track.
Life coach Lindsay Tighe, author of Better Questions, highlights the questions you should be asking yourself.
1. What aspects of my relationship need to change?
Have an idea of how the relationship would work best for you – but remember it’s not just about you.
We see the world through our own lens, but get a sense of what your partner might want to change, too. It gives a broader sense of things you need to work on.
2. What will happen if nothing changes?
We bury things and say it will all be OK, but think ahead. If things don’t change, what will happen? Imagine the worst-case scenario.
It creates motivation around needing to change and gets you out of denial and procrastination.
3. What’s my ideal vision for this relationship?
We get stuck in the problem of this is wrong, that needs to change. Have a vision of what your ideal relationship looks like. If you know what you want, it’s easier to take steps to get it.
4. What do I need to change so my relationship improves?
Take ownership and responsibility. We often think, ‘if they did this’ or ‘if they changed that, it would be fine’. But what can you do?
Once you do something different, people around you respond differently. Show you are serious about working on things and it’s a win-win.
5. How can I appreciate my partner’s perspective more often?
It’s easy to blame a partner, but what might be going on for them? Think about what might be driving their behaviour so you can be more understanding. Ask them why they are distracted or aren’t happy. It shifts your perspective and takes away heightened emotion.
6. What can I do to help my partner to understand me better?
We know what we mean or want and we expect our partner to understand. But they are not mind readers. Help them understand what is going on for you and what is important to you. But don’t be accusatory. Be assertive but not aggressive.
7. If I demonstrated that I value this relationship, what would I do differently?
When people first meet they go out of their way to show they value each other. They put in time and energy, but we forget to do that as time goes on. Let your partner know they are important. Do things so they know they are valued and loved.
8. What would an older or wiser version of myself advise me to do?
We get stuck and upset in the here and now. But if you took yourself forward and thought about a situation or issue as the older and wiser you, what
would that person tell you to do? Get a different perspective that adds to your thinking.
9. Who has an ideal relationship and what can I learn from them?
Do you know a couple that has a great relationship? What is it about their relationship that you admire? What do they do differently to you, what can you change to be more like them? Use a role model to give you ideas.
10. What action am I now going to take to improve my relationship?
Questions and thinking are important, but what are you actually going to do? Otherwise you have ideas but no momentum and change. So finally, work out what action you will now take and follow through.
