Light your fire: A beginner’s guide to tantric sex

Originating from ancient Hinduism, tantric sex is focused on creating deep, meaningful and intimate connections. Here’s everything you’re dying to know.

Remember the final episode of The Bachelorette Australia in 2021, when Brooke Blurton and Darvid Garayeli were coached through a tantric sex breathing session as part of their final date?

And those infamous comments music legend Sting made more than two decades ago about seven-hour tantric sex sessions with wife Trudie Styler.

Let’s admit it, we’ve all been curious to learn a little more.

An ancient practice with spiritual roots

Most people know that tantra has something to do with sex.

But it’s a whole lot more than that, sex coach and tantric yoga teacher Cam Fraser explains.

“Tantra is a philosophy, almost like a religion, that came out of Northern India – it’s a holistic approach to life and part of that is an approach to sex,” Cam says.

“The modernised Western version is referred to as neo-tantra and for us in Australia, most people tend to be drawn to it as a way to improve their sex life.”

Holistic sex therapist and tantra teacher Elisa Caro says contrary to popular belief, tantra isn’t a version of Fifty Shades of Grey, but sex that includes connection on many levels.

“It encourages mindfulness, awareness and self-connection – in tantra, we talk about the ‘five bodies’ when we make love; the physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual bodies,” Elisa says.

Adds Cam: “It’s slowing down and focusing on the journey and the pleasure, rather than just the end goal which, for most people, is orgasm.”

So how do you get started with tantric sex?

“First, you need to make a commitment to be in the moment,” Elisa says.

“These days we’re all so busy, so pick a time before the kids get up or schedule an hour on the weekend, perhaps once every fortnight, for exploration.”

Elisa says that means kissing and hugging and being really present in the moment with your partner, getting out of your normal routine.

Cam adds neo-tantra bases itself on a number of pillars which may help, including slowing the breath and sound, such as gently sighing as you exhale.

“Then movement, maybe rocking your hips back and forth, and the element of touch,” he says.

“Create a ‘container’ of intention so that rather than being focused on the end result, think about what sex feels like and what you want to get from it – which may just be a whole session of feeling close to your partner.”

Fun ways to explore tantric sex

Staying ‘on the edge’

A common practice in tantric sex, “edging” involves taking yourself to the brink of orgasm but then deliberately stopping before you reach the peak.

It’s about exercising a little self-control, our experts say.

Be curious

“Tantra doesn’t have to look a particular way,” Cam says.

“Whether it’s slow embraces, caresses, or focusing on the movement of energy between you and your partner’s bodies, it’s about experiencing different sensations and what feels good in the moment.”

Try a course together

“Tantric sex is more than just spicing up your relationship; it’s a real connection across multiple levels, and can result in deeper connections and increased trust,” Elisa says.

“There are many courses available right across Australia and online that you can try – so give it a go!”

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Written by Liz McGrath.