Between the sheets: Best sex positions to dial up intimacy

Keen to improve the intimacy with your partner? A few new moves in the bedroom could make all the difference. Our experts share the sex positions to try.

At first glance, the question sounds simple enough: “What are the best sex positions to improve intimacy?”

Ask a sexologist or sex coach, however, and it quickly becomes clear that this is rarely a one-size-fits-all scenario.

“I would love nothing more than to wave a magic wand and be able to say, ‘Here are the three positions that work for everyone’,” certified sex coach Georgia Grace says.

“Long before we even discuss positions, we need to define what intimacy means for the individual because it can mean different things to different people.”

Sexologist Meg Callander agrees, explaining that the best way to get an understanding of how to improve intimacy in the bedroom is to reflect and start a dialogue with your partner.

“Their idea of intimacy could be physical but yours could be emotional, or vice versa; and if you’re struggling with physical intimacy, for example, it could be that you’re lacking a sense of trust and safety, so you can be emotionally vulnerable,” Meg says.

“It always helps to dig a little deeper in the beginning.”

Intimate sex positions to try

Assuming you and your partner are on the same page, there are a few positions worth exploring when it comes to improving connection between the sheets.

The first is to focus on positions where eye contact is a key component, Georgia says.

“This means getting into positions that allow you to look deep into each other’s eyes, such as the missionary position – which is such a staple – and spooning, where you’re on your sides but can look over your shoulder,” she explains.

Other positions heavy on eye contact include your partner sitting up in bed or on a chair, with you sitting on top of them; and the “pretzel dip”, which is when you lie on your side and your partner penetrates you as they kneel.

It isn’t all about the eyes of course; focusing on skin-to-skin contact can be just as important.

“What you’re looking for is good body connection with solid skin-to-skin contact, but this doesn’t have to be finding a position where you’re pressed together,” Meg says.

“It could be as simple as hand-holding – even in positions when you’re facing away from your partner, moving slowly together so you feel you’re in sync rather than feeling isolated or independent of your partner, and talking to each other while you’re having sex.”

Breathe together during sex

Something that isn’t often thought about in the bedroom is breathwork, Georgia says.

“This is all about finding ways to think up co-regulation or, basically, using your nervous system to sync with your partner’s nervous system and breathing together.”

She recommends tuning in to your partner’s breathing during sex and shortening or lengthening your exhales so that you’re not only moving in time, but also breathing in time with each other.

Make time for intimacy

You’ve had the chat and you’ve got the moves, but the truth is they’ll do little to improve intimacy if you’re attempting all of the above in a context or space that is stressful or unsafe, or one that could invite interruption or conflict.

“You need to find time that works for both of you, where you can tune in to what’s happening and be present; if you’ve got time pressures or kids on the other side of the door and you’re feeling a little distracted, this isn’t going to work,” Meg explains.

“Emotions can make or break the experience, so just as important as finding the right position for intimacy is finding the right time.”

Written by Dilvin Yasa.