5 ways to improve your sex life

Feeling a bit flat in the bedroom department? A better sex life is easy to achieve with these surprising, expert-backed tips to boost your mojo.

Hot and steamy or a little bit … limp?

If your sex life could do with more fire, you’re far from alone.

Low desire is the second most common sexual health issue for women, affecting more than a quarter of them, says Lovehoney psycho-sexologist Chantelle Otten, citing the online adult store’s 2022 global sexual survey.

And for many women, this is not an ideal state of affairs.

“When there is a problem with our sex lives or sexual health, it can have a knock-on effect,” Chantelle explains.

“People will often have feelings of anxiety and embarrassment and avoid sexual activities.”

This isn’t a case of waiting for things to improve by themselves – enjoying a joyful sex life requires attention and commitment, she adds.

“We all lead busy lives but it’s important to make time for your and your partner’s needs and put your sex lives upfront.”

Here are five ways to put some sizzle into your sex life.

1. Communicate clearly and often

Communication might not be the sexiest tip but it’s certainly the most important, Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine sexologist Meg Callander says.

“Through clear communication during sex you can adjust things to work better for you,” Meg says.

“This could be asking each other: ‘How is this feeling? What could be better? Where do you want me to touch and where don’t you want me to touch?’

“Without this, people tend to tolerate whatever they’re getting rather than being an active and enthusiastic participant.”

2. Take up exercise

Need one more good reason to take up running, yoga or Pilates?

Yep, you got it: it can improve your sex life.

It does this in a few ways, according to Chantelle:

  • It will help you get fit, which will help you feel sexier.
  • It will help strengthen your abdomen, useful when switching sexual positions.

“Exercise helps to release endorphins, uplifting our mood,” Chantelle says. “Plus, it also increases blood flow, which can lead to increased arousal.”

What’s more, she adds, “engaging in regular exercise will help build self-esteem, inside and outside of the bedroom, with people more likely to let go of inhibitions, resulting in better sex”.

3. Embrace masturbation

Research suggests only one in four Australian women masturbate regularly.

Not a big problem, you might be thinking.

But, Meg says, when it comes to improving partnered sex, getting to know what you like sexually is the most important tool in your sexual toolkit.

“Masturbation is the best way to figure out what we like and what we don’t like – facts we need to know about ourselves in order to communicate them to a sexual partner,” she says.

“If you can’t relax enough to enjoy your own body – looking at it, touching it, moving it – that often prevents you from surrendering to pleasure, which then has implications for reaching orgasm.”

4. Engage in pleasurable activities

Improving your sex life shouldn’t have to be a serious, stressful business.

Rather than getting too in your head about it all, remember to make time for pleasurable activities outside the realms of the bedroom, Chantelle suggests.

“Whether it’s going out with friends, dancing and having a laugh or listening to music, engaging in these activities allows us to be more open to our desires and awaken our sexual expression,” she says.

Try to avoid getting caught up in the “work-family-work-family” cycle.

Make time for things that spark joy.

5. Invite sex into your life

Let’s face it, getting through a busy work day and rolling over to a tap on the shoulder just before 10.30pm, when you’re exhausted, is not very sexy – particularly if sex hasn’t been in your thoughts.

Meg says a fun way to charge the atmosphere is to spend a little time browsing online adult stores.

“Obviously, you can find plenty of products – sex toys to stimulate the body and help create new and interesting sensations or high-quality lube for comfort – you can purchase, but even just looking at what’s out there can be beneficial when it comes to thinking about sex or becoming aroused,” she says.

Written by Dilvin Yasa.