Will your relationship survive the pandemic?
Emerging data suggests relationships could be the next casualty of the pandemic by triggering the “great separation”, but experts say we shouldn’t be so fatalistic.
Australians have faced countless setbacks during the pandemic, and now it’s feared our personal lives could take the next hit if the “great separation” takes hold.
According to Federal Circuit Court of Australia figures, there has been an 8 per cent rise in divorce over the past year.
A survey by amica, an Australian government-backed resource to help couples separate amicably, has revealed one in five couples blame the pandemic for ruining their relationship.
The report, released last month (November 2021), also found nearly half of couples aged 18-34 experienced relationship stress during lockdown.
Is there really a “great separation”?
Although these findings aren’t exactly positive, much of the global research on the pandemic’s social impact is still in its infancy and shouldn’t be taken as gospel, according to Deakin University Associate Professor Gery Karantzas.
“Everyone puts everything down to Covid and that’s a very narrow view of the way relationships work,” Assoc Prof Karantzas says.
“If anything, some of our data and the data of others suggests that some couples and families have reported an increase in relationship quality during this period.”
According to Assoc Prof Karantzas, external issues often contributed to relationship stress during lockdown.
“There’s a series of factors at play; not only the stress of Covid, but people can also have vulnerabilities that they bring into relationships, such as insecurities, mental health issues and so on,” he says.
“We followed the relationships of people for six months last year when we were coming in and out of lockdown and what we observed was couples would return to their pre-lockdown state.”
As for the supposed “great separation” looming over our heads?
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Assoc Prof Karantzas says.
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How the pandemic heightened relationships
Clinical psychologist and psychosexologist Anna Kelberg believes the pandemic amplified the existing relationship couples had.
“A US study on sexual behaviour during the pandemic found two out of five people experienced a decline in the quality of their sexual and romantic lives,” Anna says.
“However, a higher percentage of people experienced the same level of romance or even an improvement.
“This suggests the proportion of people in relationships that deteriorated are similar to the percentage whose relationships flourished, so what’s behind the polarities?
“In my opinion, lockdowns amplified what was already there – unhealthy relationships further declined as people faced their issues.
“Healthy, positive relationships became even better because they had an opportunity to support and nourish each other in a time of crisis while enjoying more time together.”
Positives from the pandemic
While the pandemic’s impact on relationships and dating has been a subject of contention among researchers and psychologists, it’s also a popular discussion point for dating podcasts such as The JTrain and U Up?, hosted by New York comedian Jared Freid.
“I was in a relationship (during the pandemic) and that ended,” Jared says. “If you were in any type of relationship, things sped up.
“They either got really serious really fast or they went the other way.”
New York was one of the cities hardest hit by the pandemic, but according to Jared, some positives have emerged as the city opens up, including dating with intention and purpose.
“The pandemic became a great excuse to get out of the dates you kind of didn’t want to go on.
“You could always say you were near someone with Covid, and the date was easily cancelled,” he says.
He adds the pandemic has made people really think about what they want.
“I think we are more purposeful. We took stock. We thought of what we want.
“And we saw how good it can feel to only go on the dates we’re excited about.”
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Real-life encounters are the way of the future
Jared thinks as we go forward, more effort will be placed on meeting in real life.
“We’ve taken the rollercoaster of the dating apps so many times that we already know every turn,” he says.
“People – especially women – have had enough and I don’t blame them.”
Jared points out that dating isn’t fun for everyone.
“For some people, it’s the one thing they can’t figure out,” he says.
“My podcasts are about making a very difficult thing a little more fun and to show people they’re not alone with the issues they’re having.”
Written by Charlotte Brundrett.
