How to know if you’re in a parasocial relationship

Are you in a one-sided ‘relationship’ with a public figure? Parasocial relationships are on the rise. Here’s how to manage them.

When Adriene tells me to “find what feels good” as I bend and fold per her instructions, I respond by telling her how much I needed this morning yoga class.

She doesn’t reply but I don’t mind.

After all, she’s leading the class from her home in Texas, having time travelled to my living room after recording the class for her millions of YouTube subscribers in 2020.

This isn’t the first time I’ve spoken to Adriene as though she were with me.

I’ve been a fan since the pandemic.

And with more of us taking our fitness to the online space, chances are I’m not the only one.

In psychology circles my borderline obsession and one-sided conversations would fit neatly under the “parasocial relationship” umbrella.

What are parasocial relationships?

University of Melbourne researcher Julian Marx explains that parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships formed with public figures.

“The phenomenon … was first described many decades ago in the context of television,” Julian says.

“Some of us would yell at a person on TV out of anger, even though we know that person will not hear us. Out of repeated parasocial interactions, we can form parasocial relationships.”

Parasocial relationships are typically with characters from TV shows, social media influencers, podcasters or, as in my case, online fitness trainers.

“Parasocial relationships with personalities we follow (online) have become a big part of our lives,” Julian says.

“What we see today with the rise of artificial intelligence is that we increasingly form those relationships, not only with fellow humans but also fictional characters such as virtual influencers or AI-powered chatbots.”

In fact, Julian says, some companies develop their business model around the concept of parasocial relationships, using AI to intensify them — to sell, manipulate and forge a sense of trust with people.

The role of trust

Dr Sabine Matook, a professor in information systems at the University of Queensland’s Business School, says her research has shown trust is a core element when it comes to forming a parasocial relationship with someone.

With online fitness, parasocial relationships don’t usually stem from a place of manipulation, she notes.

Rather, trust is the foundation for a positive relationship that doubles as a motivator for staying active.

“If you feel you have a trusting relationship, then you perceive the trainer as a partner,” she says.

“You follow recommendations and believe they have your best interests in mind.”

Dr Matook explains this helps people find satisfaction in the relationship and feel good when praised and motivated when challenged.

However, she says, in never truly knowing the intentions of someone on the other side of a screen, we open ourselves up to exploitation.

“The challenge we have in technology-enabled relationships is the lack of verifiability.

You have no way of knowing who the person really is and what their intentions are.”

Are they good for us?

Whether a parasocial relationship is a good thing or not is up for debate.

But one thing is for sure: It can be an effective way to make money for some.

“Parasocial relationships are a lucrative business,” Julian says.

“For example, Kylie Jenner became a billionaire at age 21, faster than Mark Zuckerberg, who built Facebook. This means that today, with social media, single individuals can compete with the marketing power of large corporations.”

To make parasocial relationships a positive experience, self-reflection and awareness are needed, Julian says.

“Being in a parasocial relationship with someone who is a role model to us can motivate us to get fit or change our lives for the better. But we must practise  comparing ourselves to who we were the day before and not the professional athlete we see every day on social media.”

More on relationships:

• What to do when your friends are sending you broke
• The truth behind social media’s viral relationship theories
• 5 signs you’re in a situationship — and how to handle it
• Is the ick a harmless quirk or a relationship deal-breaker?

Written by Sarah Vercoe.