How to reinvest in your relationship for a happy new year

Married at First Sight expert John Aiken shares his tips for a healthy relationship.

With a new year upon us, now is the perfect time to reinvest in our relationships, according to Married at First Sight expert John Aiken.

The love guru says a healthy couple typically has very strong and clear goals.

“So at the beginning of the year, it’s a great time to re-invest in your relationship and set up these new fresh goals together,” John says.

“It strengthens your bond and gives you something to strive towards. It creates a shared vision and increases your overall sense of teamwork and togetherness.”

What does a successful relationship look like?

“It’s based on a strong foundation of friendship,” John says.

“That means the communication is gentle and respectful, the couple takes an interest in each other and ask questions, they have boundaries around technology, they express praise and appreciation and they side with each other rather than blame.

“They will also prioritise sex and affection, make time for one another, have their own rituals of connection (e.g. morning coffee) and be on the same page about their vision for the future.”

For a relationship to keep growing and evolving, couples have to talk about their worries and concerns. They have to be able to express their wants and needs and constantly adjust to issues that arise.

John says one of the worst habits many couples fall into is trying to fix their partner, rather than listening to them.

“Giving out solutions, advice and judgments when your partner is anxious will shut them down and create feelings of resentment and being dismissed,” he says.

“Instead, you need to listen, empathise, side with them and never ever fix!”

• Related: Is arguing good for your relationship?
• Related: Five most common relationship issues for couples

And to keep your relationship healthy, keep the communication lines open, he says.

“For a relationship to keep growing and evolving, couples have to talk about their worries and concerns. They have to be able to express their wants and needs and constantly adjust to issues that arise.

“If one or both people don’t do this, then they end up suffering in silence. If left unchecked, the individuals ultimately become angry and resentful, and slowly drift apart, never dealing with the key issues in their relationship.”

Help kick start your love again with John’s top six relationship resolutions:

• Put down technology when your partner is talking to you (e.g. iPhone, iPad, computer – be conscious of social media and your relationship).
• Spend time each night debriefing with your partner about the day (listen, don’t fix).
• Compliment your partner three times a day.
• Initiate more non-sexual touch and have sex once a week.
• Bring up issues with a gentle tone – avoid criticism or contempt.
• Take a 30-minute time-out if your argument escalates – no chasing during this time.

Dr Nikki Goldstein: Social media and your relationship

Married at First Sight premieres on Channel 9 on Monday, January 29, at 7.30pm