WELLBEING

6 signs you may be headed for divorce (and how to avoid being blindsided)

23 May, 2023 . 0

Noticing cracks in your marriage and worried you may be headed for a split? A divorce lawyer shares the telltale signs your spouse might be drifting.

It’s time we started paying more attention to our relationships.

That’s the advice of family and divorce lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis, who says there are common behaviours that may signify your marriage is headed for the rocks.

Nearly a third of Australian marriages end in divorce and, according to census data, 56,244 were granted in 2021 alone – that’s a huge 13.6 per cent increase on the year prior.

So, how can we turn the ship?

Cassandra says the first step is to look out for the following signs:

6 signs you may be headed for divorce

Your partner becomes disengaged

Look for indicators that your partner has emotionally tapped out of the relationship. Cassandra suggests this can be as seemingly insignificant as they’ve stopped asking about your day.

They spend a lot of time away from home

Is your spouse putting in an unusual amount of overtime at work?

Are they organising weekends with friends and not including you in the plans?

Cassandra says these types of behaviours can be a worrying sign.

They become invested in their self-improvement

“People looking for attention outside of their relationship tend to start working on their physical appearance,” Cassandra says.

Think suddenly spending more time in the gym, grooming or elevating their style.

They spend more time on their phone

Most of us are guilty of paying too much attention to our phones, but take heed if your partner is secretive about what they’re doing or whom they’re communicating with.

They no longer approach you to discuss your relationship

It’s an issue if your significant other is opting to speak with friends and family about your relationship, Cassandra says.

Relationships Australia’s Relationship Indicators 2022 Report found people who communicate openly with their most important person are more likely to feel satisfied with their relationship.

There’s a noticeable shift in the finances

“We tend to see a difference in financial contributions to a dual bank account if a relationship is in trouble,” Cassandra says.

“It could mean someone is planning their exit strategy.”

How to avoid being blindsided

Raise issues early

Even if you spot red flags, don’t panic.

Clinical psychologist and Relationships Australia NSW CEO Elisabeth Shaw recommends raising issues with your partner early, in a way that “invites connection.”

“Start with ‘I am concerned we are not as close as we used to be and I want the best for us’ – this statement is non-blaming and speaks intentionally about what you are hoping for,” Elisabeth suggests.

“It could even be that your partner’s style of communication or conflict management is the problem, rather than the actual issues themselves – that’s very solvable,” she says.

Seek professional help

We seek help for almost everything else – our car, a cough – but not our relationships.

“I‘ve had many couples say they wished they’d come (to a counsellor) earlier,” Elisabeth says.

“Often, it might have given a better chance at not separating.”

But if separation is the healthiest course of action, there’s help for that too.

“Ultimately, people who have a good divorce communicate early,” Cassandra says.

More on relationships and navigating divorce:

Written by Emma Schafer.