Jacqui Felgate: ‘This year, I’ve decided it’s time to say no’
A demanding lifestyle can drive us from pillar to post. Here, Jacqui Felgate explores how to get better at saying no.
No. It’s such a simple, two-letter word, yet why is it so hard to say?
My whole life I’ve been a “yes” person.
“Yes, I can do that. Yes, no problem. Yes, sure, why not?” Yes, yes, yes.
But, this year, I’ve decided it’s time to say no.
Saying yes to all can be exhausting
I find it particularly hard to say no over the holiday period – requests of “let’s catch up in the new year, let’s have dinner, let’s have a play date” always come thick and fast at this time of year.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s lovely to catch up with friends; it really is.
But it’s also exhausting.
The fear of coming across as antisocial – or, worse, rude – means more often than not I say yes to something I don’t want to do or don’t have time for.
Say no: It’s OK to be selfish sometimes
What I’d really like to do this year is be a little selfish – just a tiny bit.
I think when you’re in your 30s and 40s, life is consumed by so many things.
You’re in the trenches with your kids’ schooling, sport and social lives.
You’re in the thick of it with your career, and it’s likely both you and your partner are working full time too.
Making time for myself is the first thing to get put on the backburner.
If I can scrounge up just a little bit of time on my own, it’s usually to exercise or, alternatively, to sleep!
So, how do we say no to things we don’t want to do – especially when it comes to saying no in the office?
Learn how to ‘lean out’
It’s that time of year when we start returning to the daily grind and I’d like to share advice from top executive Jeaneane Falkler in Forbes business magazine, which is to “lean out”.
Jeaneane believes the key to success at work is to stop saying yes to everything – “so you have the ability, time and energy to lean in on what really matters to your career growth and success”.
To me, that makes perfect sense: Do fewer things well so you’re not spread too thin.
By saying yes to everything, sometimes I feel like there’s nothing left to give.
The fear, too, of disappointing bosses and colleagues has led me to say yes many times more than I should have.
If I say no, will I still get that gig? Will I be passed over for a promotion?
Many women want to help – to say yes.
It is more than OK to say no
Jeaneane says it’s important to help ourselves first: “If the task at hand isn’t among your priorities, know when to say no; I’m not saying you shouldn’t help your colleagues – you can give someone direction without doing it for them.
“In terms of taking on other people’s work and priorities, lean out.”
I think we can apply this advice to many areas of our lives, not just those in the office.
It’s OK to say no when we don’t want to do something.
Of course, I’m not saying be a selfish person all the time but rather to prioritise the help we give.
Saying no sometimes is more than OK. Because it means we’re prioritising our own health and happiness.
And that’s a big yes from me.
More on saying no and setting aside time for yourself:
- How to say no – and really mean it
- Why socialising in the ‘grey zone’ could be key to avoiding burnout
- 9 ways to carve out more ‘me time’
- 5 simple ways to weave self-care into your daily life
Written by Jacqui Felgate.
