Parenting

‘I’m sorry, I’m not able to find a fetal heartbeat’: One mum’s heart-wrenching stillbirth story

14 October, 2022 . 0

Grieving a stillborn child is devastating, but an Australian initiative aims to help families through this difficult time with sensitivity and care.

Ann-Maree Imrie was six-and-a half months pregnant with her first child when she noticed her baby’s movements had lessened.

“I was at work and I went to the GP next door thinking I’ll just pop in, they’ll put the Doppler (ultrasound machine) on and hear the heartbeat and everything will be fine,” she says.

“But they weren’t able to find it.”

Ann-Maree was then sent to the local hospital for what she and her husband thought would be a routine ultrasound.

“Then the sonographer turned to us and said, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not able to find a fetal heartbeat’,” she recalls.

Anne Maree and Xavier pic

Stillbirth in Australia

Around one in every 135 pregnancies in Australia are recorded as stillborn – and around 60 per cent of those occur between 20 to 26 weeks.

Australia defines stillbirth as “a death of a baby at 20 weeks of gestation or 400g, which is the average size of a baby at 20 weeks,” Stillbirth Centre of Research Excellence co-director Professor David Ellwood says.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, the most common cause of stillbirth in Australia is a congenital anomaly (31.3 per cent), followed by unexplained antepartum death (15.3 per cent) and maternal conditions (13 per cent).

Caring gesture: Celebrating babies we have loved and lost

Risk factors for stillbirth

There are some women who may be at greater risk of stillbirth.

“Common risk factors are firstly increased maternal age,” Prof Ellwood, who is the Dean of Medicine at Griffith University, says.

“Secondly, increased maternal weight or BMI. Thirdly, smoking in pregnancy,”

Prof Ellwood says a first pregnancy can place you at greater risk of stillbirth compared with subsequent pregnancies and “IVF pregnancies seem to have a higher chance (of stillbirth).”

Diabetes and hypertension can also lead to a greater risk.

Resources such as Safer Baby can help keep you informed of how to reduce the risk of stillbirth.

Always remembered: Celebrating babies we’ve loved and lost

Dealing with loss

Ann-Maree says learning of the death of her baby involved navigating the immense emotional aftermath, including giving birth.

“When Xavier was born, he was placed on my chest and they said, ‘Oh, you’ve had a little boy’. He looked perfect,” she syas.

“In that moment, there was this feeling of pride and all the love that you feel when you have a baby, but then also, obviously, just the total devastation.”

The Guiding Conversations booklet was launched to help families deal with their grief, Stillbirth Foundation Australia chief executive Leigh Brezler says.

Developed by the University of Queensland and Centre of Research Excellence in Stillbirth, the resource is consistent with the Perinatal Society of Australia and New Zealand’s Clinical Practice Guideline for Care Around Stillbirth and Neonatal Death.

Leigh says the aim is to distribute the first-of-its-kind booklet to hospitals and make it readily accessible to bereaved parents.

“The guidelines are thoughtful, sensitive, incredibly well researched, and evidence-based,” Leigh says.

“They’re also very, very highly tested with parents, so (we asked) what would you have liked to have known when your baby died?”

For Ann-Maree, finding a way through grief included writing a children’s book called You Could Have Been, a tribute to Xavier and something she hopes will help other families.

Today, the mother of three says Xavier remains a constant part of her life and that of her family.

“I carry him around inside of me and he’s laced through everything that I do.”

International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is on October 15.