WELLBEING

Are your group chats getting out of control?

28 July, 2023 . 0

Ears ringing with all that dinging? Group chats are a fun, easy way to stay in touch – until they’re not. Here’s how to set social media boundaries.

When the group chat is firing, it takes a strong person to step away from the keyboard.

Ding, ding, ding! (Insert multiple humorous GIFs here.)

A helpful tool to manage one’s social life, group chats – which generally light up on WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger – can be a welcome distraction from life’s stressors, providing some real-time laughs.

But that constant pinging can also be too much of a good thing.

Why group chats can take a toll

Productivity coach and Spacemakers co-founder Daniel Sih says most of us are feeling overloaded by the sheer amount of digital communication in our lives.

“So that involves group chats; but it’s the combination of channels people are experiencing at the same time (that leads to overload),” Daniel says.

Daniel, who wrote the book Spacemaker: How to Unplug, Unwind & Think Clearly in the Digital Age, believes this may be having a greater cognitive and emotional toll on us than we realise.

“There’s guilt, and a constant need to always be on and available for others,” he says.

“The cost is a lack of attention and ability to focus on one thing for a sustained period of time.

“You also lose the ability to be present with the people who truly matter.”

The power of FoMO

Part of the problem, Daniel says, is that while modern-day communication is easier than ever, our “lizard brains” haven’t changed since tribal times.

In those days, ignoring the tribe would likely lead to you being excommunicated, he says.

There’s also the fear of missing out (FoMO), which is linked to our need to belong, and the compulsion to maintain social connections.

But even if you feel driven to keep up, digital conversations can be overwhelming at times – as anyone who’s returned to a group chat with 93 or more unread messages knows only too well.

There’s always one…

Griffith University School of Information and Communication Technology senior lecturer Dr David Tuffley says when it comes to group chats, we should bear in mind real-life etiquette.

However, Dr Tuffley says, there will always be those who pay scant regard – people “who monopolise the discussion, who shout in all caps … sort of the equivalent of someone who in person just dominates conversations and won’t shut up.”

How to set group chat boundaries

Speak up

Want to spend less time on a group chat?

Dr Tuffley recommends making it known that you’re trying to cut down on social media, then allocating a specific time to check messages (while also making strong use of the “mute” button).

“If anyone’s got a problem with it, then that’s kind of too bad,” Dr Tuffley says, adding that a dollop of self-discipline may also be required.

Take your pick

Daniel suggests giving serious thought to the types of digital communication you agree to.

“You have to curate your communication channels and eliminate as many as possible, so the ones you have add value to your life,” Daniel says.

Don’t want to ruffle too many feathers?

Try the “archive” feature until you feel ready to catch up – or break up for good.

Exit stage left…

Dr Tuffley says it’s all about priorities, so if a group chat is no longer doing it for you, you can always leave.

He recommends exiting gradually, after mentioning that you’re struggling to contribute.

“Don’t go completely quiet overnight, just taper off the involvement,” Dr Tuffley says.

“And after a month or two, when you haven’t contributed, you just quietly slip out the back, Jack.”

Read more on the dos and don’ts of social media:

Written by Larissa Ham.