Love and money: Why couples don’t have to share bank accounts
Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you have to share everything, including money. Here’s how to strike a happy, healthy financial balance in your relationship.
Money is a tricky topic for many couples.
According to Relationships Australia’s 2022 Relationship Indicators Report, 20 per cent of survey respondents say financial problems place pressure on their relationship.
Relationships Australia NSW CEO Elisabeth Shaw says many couples adopt a hybrid approach to managing money matters, which includes a joint account as well as separate individual accounts for each partner, can make for a modern and happy medium.
“For many people, the joint bank account is in the mix rather than the sole approach, as it’s a straightforward and fair way people can make their relationship and finances work,” Elisabeth says.
How a hybrid method of money management works
A hybrid set-up often involves separate accounts for each partner, and a joint account for shared or select expenses.
With a joint account, couples can easily set money aside to pay for the shared expenses they’ve agreed on, Elisabeth explains.
“This way, each partner has discretionary money and can spend on other things without having to consult their partner,” Elisabeth says.
How to make your finances work as a couple
It starts with a discussion to set boundaries and agree on expenses.
“You need to agree on what is shared and what is kept separate,” My Millennial Money podcast host and former financial adviser Glen James says.
“Some couples like to share basic costs like rent or mortgage, bills and groceries, and keep personal hobbies, transport, or previous investments separate.”
For couples with income disparities, Glen says it’s about reaching a conclusion together.
“Relationships come in all shapes and sizes so if you’d like to discuss a proportionate approach to money with your significant other, then simply have the conversation,” he says.
Important money questions couples should ask one another
While an open conversation is clearly in order, our experts say these are the key questions a couple should have for each other:
1. How do you want to live?
Lifestyle influences money, which is why Elisabeth recommends a frank chat with your partner.
“Discuss how you’re going to approach standards of living, and what goals you have for the relationship,” she says.
“Life stage, personal style, whether it’s the first or second relationship… there are many factors that might play into (financial) decision-making.”
2. What does money mean to you?
“It’s really important to talk about personal finances and plans early on in your relationship to see how your money styles can work together, and to determine how you’d like to manage what you have between you,” Glen says.
3. What’s the plan?
“Talk about how financial structures such as joint bank accounts fit with your goals, and structures that enable you to manage the relationship with respect,” Elisabeth says.
Consider joint account contributions to avoid problems down the track.
“For example, if one person’s doing the housework and the other has a giant income that they’re not sharing, those sorts of things become sticking points,” Elisabeth says.
4. What does the future look like?
Don’t just “set and forget” – Glen says ongoing conversations make for financial harmony in the long term.
“Sit down together and review how your earnings and spending are going,” he says.
“Don’t let financial gripes go unspoken; this will lead to resentment, when a simple and honest conversation could have saved a lot of drama.”
Read more on money matters:
- Why saving money is good for your wellbeing
- 7 steps to achieve your money goals
- How to solve the pocket money puzzle
Written by Hayley Hinze.