Blunt feedback can sting. Here’s how to use it to your advantage

Hearing the truth stated baldly can really hurt. But sometimes honest, blunt feedback can be helpful as a motivating force.

Sick of people sugar-coating the truth?

You could be on to something.

In an era where “positive vibes only” has become a mantra, research shows negative feedback also has a role to play and can be powerful for boosting motivation and improving performance.

While positive feedback helps us remain optimistic when we are new to a task, negative feedback – which focuses on our shortcomings – can be more beneficial for helping us “do better” when we are already experienced at something.

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Why positivity doesn’t always work

If you’re tempted to put a positive spin on absolutely everything, you might be tipping into “toxic positivity”.

Mental health first aid instructor and positive psychology practitioner Kylianne Farrell says toxic positivity has a lot to answer for.

“Toxic positivity is the belief that one should take a positive approach no matter what the circumstances,” Kylianne explains.

“When it comes to feedback, this approach isn’t helpful and can sometimes be harmful.

“As human beings, we experience a spectrum of emotions, and by denying painful, uncomfortable and negative emotions, this can be a barrier to personal growth.

“The good news is, negatively geared feedback can still be delivered in a way that builds someone up.”

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How blunt feedback can be motivational

Nutritionist Bec Miller, founder of Health with Bec, agrees that blunt honesty can be delivered in an encouraging, inspirational way.

She says being honest is an important part of her role.

“Women come to me with challenges they’ve faced, so I need to be strong as well as sensitive and understanding in the way I give advice to help them overcome those obstacles,” Bec says.

“Being blunt and honest with someone who may not be following the recommended path or is ‘slipping up’ will help them continue to make changes and push on, which ultimately leads to results.”

Personal trainer and Flow Athletic founder Ben Lucas agrees providing honest feedback can help people.

“It’s definitely worth celebrating your wins and acknowledging that you’re on the right path,” Ben says.

“But it’s equally as important to continue to wonder how to improve.

“It’s also part of my responsibility to ensure that exercises and programs are undertaken in a safe manner to reduce the risk of injury – so blunt honesty is essential sometimes.”

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How to respond to blunt feedback

Whether you receive blunt feedback from a friend, family member, employer or expert, you may find your first reaction is defensive more than receptive.

If that happens, here are three questions to ask yourself.

1. Will the feedback move me closer to my goals?

Kylianne used to struggle with receiving criticism and negative feedback.

But she has learnt to consider whether the feedback fits in with her personal values and goals.

“If the feedback will help me align more with my values or move closer to my goals, then I take it on board,” she says.

“But you can also seek advice and guidance from a mentor, or someone you trust, to give honest insight and perspective.”

2. Is my inner critic getting in the way?

Kylianne says she has noticed in herself and others that if the feedback shares the same tone as your own inner critic or negative self-doubt, it can be “really painful”.

“It’s almost as if you’re being hurt twice because you’ve already had those thoughts about yourself,” she notes.

She says if your inner critic is starting to interfere with your mental wellbeing, performance, relationships or ability to enjoy the things in life that you once did, it may be time to find a mental health professional who can “help you work through how to overcome that critic”.

3. What are my emotional hot buttons?

Kylieanne says becoming defensive after receiving feedback is a good example of an emotional hot button.

She suggests trying to be open minded.

“Remember, feedback isn’t a personal attack – it’s an opportunity to move and progress forward,” she says.

And don’t forget you’re allowed to disagree if, on reflection, the feedback isn’t a good fit.

“You can always thank someone for their feedback, even if wasn’t valid for you, and move on,” she says.

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Written by Karen Fittall.