3 ways to bring the intimacy back into your relationship
Has the excitement gone out of your relationship? Relationship and intimacy expert Dr Nikki Goldstein has some simple strategies for reigniting the flame.
Remember when you were head over heels in love and couldn’t wait to see your other half?
When every minute of every day didn’t feel like enough time? Us either!
Dr Nikki says it’s one of the most common complaints she hears, as the stresses of daily life overwhelm that first flush of love, leaving couples feeling the spark has flickered out.
“Many couples think that when the physical intimacy dies or dims it’s due to a problem in the bedroom or a lack of desire, when in fact it’s about the relationship itself,” she says.
Firstly, get talking
She says the first and most important thing is to communicate with your partner.
“Be aware of what’s going on and why. Look at it like an iceberg. A couple might be fighting and seem distant from each other, but the real reason is feelings underneath the surface.”
One of those feelings could be resentment – a common relationship issue for women.
“It’s one I see a lot,” Dr Nikki says. “It might be something that’s happened or has been building up and so she pulls away from her partner.
“This is further complicated by the fact women are taught to give physical pleasure to their partners rather than receiving it. Which they might stop that if there’s something wrong.”
Second, check for roadblocks
To get intimacy back it’s important to identify what’s getting in the way and stop making that a priority, says the relationship expert.
“Is it work, social media, the gym, the kids? People might think it’s bizarre to say that kids get in the way but most parents put children as a priority over their relationships.
“Mums and Dads have to remember they need intimacy and a healthy relationship to be able to be good parents,” she stresses.
Thirdly, you’re important too
To get the excitement back in your relationship you need to focus on yourself first, Dr Nikki says.
“That doesn’t mean excluding your partner but rather working at your own confidence. If you’re happier within your own skin, you’ll be happy within the relationship and want to focus more on the positives.
“It’s important also to do things that excite you in the relationship. You might not have as much time as you used to, but focus on each other and the things you enjoy doing together.
“Getting out of the rut outside of the bedroom will transfer to inside the bedroom!”
More from Dr Nikki Goldstein:
- Surviving social media and your relationship
- Is arguing good for your relationship?
- Consent and boundaries in the age of the #MeToo campaign
Catch up on the full episode of The House of Wellness TV show to see more from Zoe, Ed, and the team.