‘Can we really have it all?’: Jacqui Felgate on how to achieve wellness balance

When it comes to achieving wellness, the struggle to find balance is real, writes Jacqui Felgate. How can we possibly fit in fitness in order to thrive?

How do we define wellness? Is it exercise, diet, physical and mental health, work-life balance, happiness – or all of the above?

Achieving all of these things at once is virtually impossible.

So do we, to a certain extent, have to pick and choose? Or can we really have it all when it comes to wellness?

A quick internet search and you’ll find that, according to Pfizer, “Wellness is the act of practising healthy habits on a daily basis to attain better physical and mental health outcomes, so that instead of just surviving, you’re thriving.”

I like that. Thriving, more than just surviving.

So much of what we do as parents, as workers, as partners – as humans – is just surviving.

Feeling guilty? You’re not alone

How, then, can we thrive? And, when it comes to our fitness, how do we fit it all in?

The Sport England This Girl Can campaign found six in 10 English mums felt guilty taking time out to exercise rather than spending time with their family.

I couldn’t agree more with this.

When I had my second daughter, I set the goal to run a marathon in 12 months.

Marathons, sadly, require a lot of training – they just take a lot of time.

I found myself getting up at 5am to run two hours before the kids were up, or going to a 24-hour gym at 4.30am just to get time to myself.

I did finish the marathon, but the organisers were basically packing up barriers as I ran through them!

• No excuses: How to stop sabotaging your fitness

How we prioritise our time

I love running. It’s my favourite sport, and one I used to do six days a week.

Nowadays, though, I’m just so busy and tired; I’m lucky if I run once a week.

My goal this year is to get back into running and leave the guilt behind.

Kansas State University kinesiology researcher Associate Professor Emily Mailey says, ‘The guilt parents feel is because they think of exercise as a selfish behaviour’.

Assoc Prof Mailey found many active fathers found time to exercise during the workday, but mothers reported a fear of being judged by co-workers for leaving to work out, and a lack of time to freshen up after.

When This Girl Can asked mothers to name their top priorities outside of work, 56 per cent prioritised spending time with their family, 53 per cent said housework and 28 per cent, cooking.

Just 17 per cent said exercise.

I get it. It’s so hard to find the time for our own fitness and when we do, we feel bad about it.

And it’s not just working mothers – for all of us, the struggle is real.

• Reverse it: Why you should try running backwards

Exercise and wellness balance

But if we don’t exercise, what’s the impact on the wellness part of our lives?

We’re just surviving, right?

I know when time gets away and I can’t exercise, I become irritable (well, more irritable than usual) and annoyed at myself; indeed, I become resentful that everyone else in the family is able to make time for their sport, whatever that may be.

For me to truly thrive, to truly feel “well” in not just my body but also my mind, I just have to exercise.

Yep, I still feel guilty. I still feel like I haven’t nailed the balance in my life.

But running is almost a cathartic experience.

And in the long run, we’re helping not just our own mental and physical health but that of our kids, too.

Now, where did I put my sneakers?